Get Stuffed.

The Brian Mostyn-Jones-Centrone Guide to Office Work

This Hilarious List will most certainly brighten up your boring work day.
Thank You Emma for keeping the list alive!

1. Don’t do work. Ever.

2. Pretend to do work. But don’t do real work. Just pretend.

3. Occasionally answer the phone. That way people won’t think you are a waste of the budget.

4. Study office brochures in an effort to pretend you are keeping yourself up to date on what is going on in the workplace.

5. Look like you are making important notes on very important things,when really you are designing your spring/summer ’09 collection.

6. Contemplate other jobs and research them. Imagine what it would be like to have a job that is satisfying. Apply for them.

7. Make tea/coffee.

8. Use the bathroom. A lot.

9. Exploit the Internet access. Buy Kylie/Madonna/Britney tickets, visit Facebook and blogs etc. Make sure you don’t get caught by the office snitch.

10. Harass [insert name here] via the means of Facebook. Even when you know he/she has better things to do.

11. Visit colleagues in other offices. They need something to do too.

12. Visit colleagues in other buildings. It is vitally important that you collect those brochures that have absolutely nothing to do with you, your job, or anyone else in your office.

13. Take an office poll to see how many employees think the water cooler should be filled with vodka. Go to the water cooler regularly to see if it has been actioned.

14. Porn should be avoided. At all times.