Below you will find the best cover letter ever written. I posted this a year ago on a blog I share/shared with my “wife” Emma. Since many of us are still looking for work, I thought it would be a good idea to dust this off and share with you again. Enjoy.
To Whom It May Concern:
I am applying for the job you have posted on line, in the papers and on your site. I believe I am right for this position because I need money. I have bills to pay, student loans and credit card debt. Lots of credit card debt. What also makes me feel I fit this position is the fact that I am tired of all the game playing that goes into applying to and getting a job. I am smart, I have a degree, in fact I have 3! Plus a certificate, and yet, still I am passed up in favor of idiots that you can pay less and work more. Well, I want to be your idiot. I really, really do. What a benefit you will be getting in me. Brains for Less pay. That’s the deal of the century. Much better than any government bail out plan. You can bet your bottom dollar on that!
As you can see from my resume (if you have bothered to look that far ahead), I have a truck load of experience. Look, see. Ahhh, yes, that’s right. Impressed now? Of course you are, yet you hesitate. Why? Does my degree not fit in with the position? Should that matter? I have transferable skills that would knock the socks off of any other potential job candidate. I have references that would get me appointed Queen of England, so why don’t you call them up and have a chat? Maybe they will tell you what a great person I am. That I work harder and better and longer than anyone else. That I put in 110% to everything I do, granted I like it and you are nice to me. If not, you can sod it.
So what do you say? Why not just take a chance on me? I know I can do the job and I know you will not be disappointed. And if you are, you can fire me, or at least try to…
The guy who needs a job, badly.
PS Did I tell you I still live at home and desperately need to get my own place? My family is driving me crazy and I would like to have sex again.